by Rose

Forweword by KA

Being a female computer programmer and a strongly-opinionated advocate of self-reliance and personal edification, I've often met and thought on the phenomena Rose describes below. I like to think of myself as a unique gender -- note that I didn't say I like to think of myself as being of a unique gender.

I'd also like to note that I would just as readily -- if not more readily! -- 'love' a thing as I would a human being. That may be in large part a result of staggeringly advanced cynicism, but it's more than that. It's all about what the other person or thing has to offer; what can be gained by establishing a relationship with it, whether that relationship be romantic or otherwise. You might think that callous at first glance, but I find it exciting -- liberating! There are no limitations to what can be achieved, on a personal level, when the relationship brings mutual gain to its constituents. And when I say 'gain', I mean solely intellectual (and even that's not quite what I mean, but I don't know how else to say it) gain. And that...desire to 'gain' is perfectly (and, perhaps, unwisely) blind to what it considers aesthetics.

All that to say that the most interesting person I know is in fact a lamp.

Rose is five feet away, looking up naughty words in my dictionary. She didn't want me to post the rant below, but I speak 'Rose', so enjoy.

***

First off, a disclaimer: I freely admit that I am woefully ignorant as to the actual state of feminism nowadays. All I know is what pretty much everyone knows and sees: what is fed to me through the media, what I see in my courses (quite a bit of it, actually, seeing as I'm taking literature, but most of it old), and what I see on the street.

The following is nothing more than musings. Random thoughts and ideas and opinions. Also, I am a relativist, and as such will often argue out points with which I do not agree on the basis that they deserve some kind attention and focus just to make sure that I don't agree with them. You can't disagree with something you've never examined, right? At least not legitimately. Anyway, it may not be entirely clear in my writing whether I actually support or do not support an idea. This is largely because it may not be entirely clear in my head until I'm done, and in the excitement of the decision, I may forget to say what I decided.

I fully intend to ramble, wander, rant, rave, and otherwise be random. I may start a point and never finish it. I may go nowhere with something. If I do, I apologize for the confusion, but I'm not writing an essay here, folks. I get enough of that at school.

With that out of the way, onto the ramblings!

The embarrassing thing, I think, is that this whole train of thought -- although it has preoccupied my thoughts on and off for a long time now -- started when my roommate (KA) bought a purse. The thing about this purse is that it's large, and black on the outside, with an industrial sized zipper on the top and on the front of it. This zipper is huge. With the massive teeth and loud zipping sound … it’s like something you might see Mountain Equipment Co-Op. Not particularly feminine, despite being on a purse.

But then you grab that zipper, pull the bag open, and what do you see inside but a bright pink lining; all shiny and soft and very, very pink.

This is not a bad thing by any means. In fact I think it's quite a good thing. More often than not, lately, fashion seems to have gone back to a very soft feminine ideal. Any kind of shirt or pants or skirt you want to buy comes in three colors: dusty rose, magenta, or that oh-so-pale-red. For those of you who may not know the names of colors, they're all pink. Is this bad? Well, no. It's just a color, who cares?

But it's a loaded colour which I have always felt vaguely frowny about because of the social circumstances it represents. That poor color has been loaded down with so much shit and connotations and symbolism over the years that it isn't allowed to just be a color anymore. I feel like, the instant I allow myself to wear anything pink and girly, I join the ranks of the girly-girl. The not-a-thought-in-my-head-but-make-up-hair-and-boys girls. You know the kind. You may be one. I don't care, personally. To each his own, and the world needs girly-girls as much as it needs manly-men and everyone in between. I just don't identify with that myself (although from time to time I just so happen to let my thoughts wander to make-up, hair, and boys).

So why, then, you might ask, do I say that it isn't a bad thing that KA's purse has pink on the inside? Well, it's actually the combination of the zipper and the pink. See, read the above paragraph again. It feels, sometimes, like the color pink -- and through a jump of the imagination our right to be feminine -- has been stripped from us through the well-meaning, and arguably down-right necessary, feminists of old (and the society that formed them). Pink is a symbol of femininity (at least in Canada and the U.S.). This is why baby girls are dressed in pink the instant they're born. This is why I wore pink dresses and pink bows in my hair. This is why, when you see a man dressed in anything pink, you stop and you wonder.

It's just a color. It's a weird mixture of red and white that is actually kind of pretty if you can look past the social baggage that comes with it. So why does it make me feel like a traitor to my gender when I wear it? It's supposed to represent my gender. I should be wearing that pink shirt like a badge of pride that screams "I am woman, hear me roar!"

But I don't. In fact I feel guilty every time I put my one pink sweater on and go out in public in it. It feels almost like I'm stabbing Nelly Mcclung and all those women who fought bitterly for the rights I have now in their collective backs.

I think (and I could be totally wrong on this) that because pink has been the symbol for traditional femininity for so long now -- far longer than women's lib has been around -- it was a natural place to begin the attack on traditional femininity. The first feminists disagreed with the conventional view of women. Pink symbolized the conventional view of women. The feminists screamed do not conform. They burned their bras. They stopped wearing pink.

And you know what? Good on them. It was necessary. Feminism was an inevitability that had to come about for the good of our gender, and ultimately the good of mankind on the whole. An equal relationship is a healthy relationship.

But somewhere along the way -- now that we have the right to vote, and sexism is supposedly on the decline, and that glass ceiling has gone up a few floors at least -- we forgot to let go of that urge to defy traditional femininity. And in fact we somehow managed to mix up traditional femininity and femininity in general.

So, whenever you hear about feminism or learn about feminism or see feminism in action, it seems to be saying: It's not okay to be feminine! That is a social construct imposed upon you by society! Fight it! And even, in the most extreme cases: Be masculine!

Well, no. I don't want to be masculine. Neither do I really want to conform to the "traditional" view of femininity, which really isn't all that different from the view held back in the 1950's when you tear it down to its basic elements. Women are softer, weaker, more emotional, than men. Women play with Barbie Dolls and wear Stiletto Heels and are not allowed to play boy games with boys or play with action figures. Women are for the family. Women may no longer be expected to get married and have children, but they are expected to want to get married and have children.

Well what if you don't? Does this mean that you are not feminine? Does this qualify you as a feminist?

In addition, women are, to some extent, though I suppose this is rapidly decreasing, expected to want men. Lesbianism, for all it's support among the male elements of the public, is looked on more or less as a "sexual fetish" of sorts, not as a serious thing. Not as a serious relationship (how else would those men think that either one of those women they are watching have sex would be interested in them in the slightest? Dude, if they’re having sex with each other, it’s ‘cause they don’t want to have sex with you, understand?). Does this mean that two lesbians are any less in love than a man and a woman? Hardly.

If you are a lesbian, does that make you unfeminine? Does it qualify you as a man-hater? A butch? A dyke? Do you now qualify as a feminist?

The answer to that last question is: probably, at least in the view of the rest of the world. Now turn that around on its head. If you are a feminist, does that immediately qualify you as a lesbian? This time, if I am to judge by the opinions and voices around me, the answer isn’t just a probably, it’s a big, resounding yes.

But this isn't right, accurate, or even fair. None of it is. You can't wear pink, or do girly things because this makes you a conformist who has given in to the expectations society has for you and you have let down your entire gender. You can’t not wear pink and play with boys toys and do things generally considered masculine, or else you’re labeled a “butch.” You can't stand up and shout your equality (and even superiority depending on who you are and just how much you think of yourself) otherwise you're shouted down as a lesbian and a feminist (the two of which have somehow become tangled together for reasons quite beyond me, and the combination of which is considered God awful).

Well, I don't consider myself a feminist. Neither am I a lesbian. Neither do I feel the need to do girly things unless they happen to be girly things that I like to do. Nor do I feel pressure to do boy things just to show that I am not a girly-girl (though I admittedly feel an aversion to doing girly-girl things out of fear of someone thinking I am a girly-girl).

THIS is why I like KA's purse. This is why I like the combination of big, masculine zipper and bright, shiny pink. Because it looks at everything I just wrote, shakes it head in disgust, and proceeds to tell society, this hard-assed feminism that seems to have developed over the years, all men, all women (lesbian or otherwise), and just about everybody else in the world to fuck off.

I can be feminine if I want, says the purse. And I can be proud of that and comfortable in that. And I can do masculine things, and be masculine things too, if I so desire it. I can be a little girl who plays with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures, Barbie Dolls, Hot Wheels, and a myriad of other, gender charged toys, without giving a God damn about what connotations those things have. I will wear pink, and I will wear blue, and I will wear all the colours of the rainbow and these things mean nothing.

I am unique.

I am an individual.

You can take your "masculine" and your "feminine" and you can shove them, because I don't need them.

That's why I like KA's purse.

Because I can't help but feel that, in today's world, it's time to let go of the old feminism, of the old ideas of feminine and masculine, and just accept that yes, people are different, yes a man is very different than a woman, in a lot of ways, and vice versa. But more than this: people are individuals. People are unique. Never mind their gender. Never mind their social stereotypes. These things are important insofar as they affect the ultimate person who results, but they aren't the whole thing. They're a piece of a whole, and when viewed as the be-all-end-all of a person, they throw things out of perspective.

I'm not saying, here, that we should forget all about the feminists of old, and women's liberation, and the struggle that our great-great grandmothers went through to get us basic rights and responsibilities -- to allow women to be recognized as people and to ensure that we were treated as equals to men. I'm not even saying that the fight is won. That there aren't areas of society today that need a good, swift, high-heeled kick in the junk to make them sit up (or double over as the case may be) and get with the times. I'm just saying that we're past the need to insist that we're different. We're past the need to deny what we are.

"Woman", "feminism", "girly-girl" ... these are words. That's it. A collection of letters and sounds that stand in for an abstract concept. They only have whatever power we give them. If we'd stop focusing on them and shoving them into the spotlight and holding them up like some kind of boogey-man, maybe everybody could just relax about the whole issue and understand that people are people are people, regardless of differences, genitalia, and a thousand other things that make us similar in our uniqueness.

It all comes down to this, I think:

We are women. Deal with it.